pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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