so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
