I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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