Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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