Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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