I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
