the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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