it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
