think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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