Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
