My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
