I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
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So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
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Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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