I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
