I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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