I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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