I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
