a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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