Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
