I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
