And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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