so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Shame - the story of my life.
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