If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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