are you still at the devil's house?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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