does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
