I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
