Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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