she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
