marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
