cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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