so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
