is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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