I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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