Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
