And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
this will be a night to untag.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
