shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
