I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
