Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
