I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
