I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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