tell your sister to shave her snatch
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
