I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
