You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
this boner is exhausting
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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