Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
