She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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