Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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