Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you win again, gameday.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
