Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
