Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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