Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
