my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
