I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
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I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
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Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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