Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just tell him i said nine months
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
