I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
