Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
