So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
