He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
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We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
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I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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