I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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