I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
