He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my being single is dangerous.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
