Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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