She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
