Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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