i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
