Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
