I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
