my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
