I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
