The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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