I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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