Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
