Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
