Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
