My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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