i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
