fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize