i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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