I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
