The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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