to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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