ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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