I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
