Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
